Adaptation Decay: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2 Adaptation Decay : Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (2014)
Noah walked through the door excitedly with a box in his hands. “Oh yeah! I finally got it!” he said. “I finally got the new TMNT movie” he exclaimed as he ripped open the box. He held the DVD in his hands “Oh, it’s gonna be so awesome and…” Noah’s voice said as it trailed off. There was a credit on the DVD that made his blood grow cold. It said: Produced by Michael Bay. Noah was starting to get scared. But, he figured to give the movie a chance and it just might surprise him.
1 hour later….
Noah yelled in a skyward scream “BAYYYYY!!!!”
Noah walked into his set and got the review started.” Hi, I’m Cryptonoah, and welcome to a new segment of my show called Adaptation Deacay.”
(Footage of VHS tapes decay as the title Adaptation Decay is shown)
“This is where I review b
Cinematic Turds: Barnyard Cinematic Turds: Barnyard
A teenager in a red T-shirt and glasses sat in a chair. “Hello, I’m CryptoNoah and welcome to another episode of Cinematic Turds. You know, it’s becoming more apparent that having a celebrity voice cast in an animated film isn’t enough to make it good. Case in point, Barnyard.” Noah said.
(Footage from Barnyard plays)
“Yeah, remember this? Of course you don’t. This animated film from 2006 come from Nickelodeon Movies, which is even more proof Nick has declined in quality. It features the voices of Kevin James, Sam Elliot, Courtney Cox, Danny Glover and even more. And we are of course blessed with the director Steve Oedekerk, the writer of Patch Adams.” Noah said before saying “Help me.”
“So, let’s quit chewin’ the fat and get down on the farm; this is Barnyard.” Noah s
Television Turds : Teen Titans Go! Television Turds: Teen Titans Go! “Staring at the Future”
Noah was slumped in his chair, crying. He looked up, tears rolling down his face and said “Hello, I’m Cryptonoah and welcome to a new segment of my show called Television Turds. This is where I look at crappy TV shows. And, if it’s anything like what I just saw, I am in serious crap!” he said as he slammed his head into the desk and continued crying. He lifted his head back up and said “Teen Titans Go!” he said.
(Teen Titans Go intro plays)
“This is Cartoon Network’s crappy spinoff of one of my favorite cartoons growing up. Teen Titans, based on the DC comic of the same name, came out in 2003 and lasted until 2006. If you haven’t seen the show yet, check it out. It balances c
The Commentator Ep. 1: Bores again The Commentator ep. 1: Irate Gamers Aladdin review
Noah walked onto the studio, sat down in his chair and said “Hello, I’m Cryptonoah and welcome to the first episode of The Commentator. This is where I look at bad videos on the internet and give my thoughts. Now, I want to lay down some ground rules. 1. I will not automatically hate you if you disagree with me. Everyone has different opinions. However, if your video is faulty, you’ll find my criticism at your door. 2. I am doing this for entertainment so try to have fun. With that out of the way, let’s begin with today’s subject, Irate Gamer.”
(pictures of Irate Gamer appear)
“Ah, Irate Gamer (aka, Chris Bores). One of the biggest LOLcows ever. A well known plagiarizer of the AVGN, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg. He also does not do research, lies to his fans and is lazy. Today, we will be looking at one of the most prominent
Cinematic Turds: Walking With Dinosaurs 3D Cinematic Turds: Walking With Dinosaurs 3D
A teenager in a red T-shirt and glasses was sitting in a chair. But, he looked rather nervous. He was twittling his fingers and swetting. “ Hi, I’m Cryptonoah and welcome to Cinematic Turds.” He said in a nervous voice. “And, well, I owe you guys.”
“After my nonexsitant Scariest Animated Moments list, I need to give you guys something you can enjoy. So, what movie should I do…”
(DVD of Walking With Dinosaurs 3D is shown)
“Aw, crap.” Noah exclaimed. He then sat up and was about ready to leave when a stagehand whispered something in his ear.
“I don’t wanna do this. Every thing that could be said about this movie has been said. What could motivate me to…”
The Stagehand whispered again.
“It hasn’t been review
Noah Discusses: Film Comparisons Noah Discusses: Film Comparisons
Hi everyone, Noah here. Occasionally, I'm going to break away from my reviews to discuss aspects of film and criticism. I will not rant or rave like a lunatic when I do this. This will just be me giving a straightforward discussion about my thoughts on certain aspects of the film community. Anyways, now to the discussion. It seems whenever I go to a place like IMDB or Rotten Tomatoes or any other reviewing site, when one film is being discussed, some person will be on there saying "This movie sucks because it isn't like this movie." Which is not a good argument. Not all movies are trying to be like other movies. And not just movies but certain elements of movies are compared with each other. And that's not good film reviewing. A film should be judged on it's own merits. For instance, what are the things that have to be present in a certain film genre to be considered good. You cant' compare every film you watch to another one and say "If it's not
How Not to Criticize a Film How Not to Criticize a Film
A while ago, my dear Youtube friend Savagebroadcast uploaded a video called How Not to Defend a Film. And it was good. However, problems run the other way too. So, in this deviation, I will go into how not to criticize a film:
1. "It's not high art!" Frankly, this is a double edged sword. If you're criticizing a drama or political satire for this, that works. But, if you go into a film like Pirates of the Caribbean or Flash Gordon and you're expecting The Godfather, you're wasting your time. Not all films have the same standards. You should criticize a film for not doing what it's trying to do well. Criticizing 1998 Godzilla for not being a fun monster movie, on the other hand, works.
2. "It's not close to the source material!" Another double edged sword. Sometimes changing details in the source material doesn't work in helping
Top 10 Animated Disney songs Top 10 Animated Disney songs
You know, I've always wanted to do this, but, never got the chance until now. I make no secret of it that I am a fan of the Walt Disney animated films. Their great animation, creative characters and relatable stories have inspired me and many others to become writers. But, the most memorable parts of these films were always the songs. Moving, funny and entertaining, you'll be hardpressed to find anyone who doesn't remember them. But, which are my favorites? Well, I'm here to give you my top 10 today. Just remember, if you disagree with me on any or I left out your favorites, these are strictly my opinions. So, with that said, here we go!
10. The Bare Necessities from The Jungle Book: Here's a classic. This a song you just sit back to and enjoy. It has a great beat, good lyrics and a nice performance from Phil Harris as Baloo. What more could you ask for?
Land of Giants part 3 Land of Giants part 3
5 years later. A large dinosaur is looking for food. It is a 6 meter, 3 ton Camarasaurus. This is Ed, having grown into a large juvenile. He finds a Ginkgo tree and rears up on his hind legs, using his tail for extra support. He then starts feeding from the tree. As the leaves enter his digestive tract, small stones he swallowed, called gastroliths, grind the vegetation to digest it. But, soon, due to his growing to immense size, he will have to leave the forest and move ouit on to the plains with his siblings and join a herd. After feeding, the sauropods let out a bellow and begin to move out. They are heading for the plains. Once they reach it, they have no idea in their small brains what they will find.